Demons

As I'm driving home I ponder many things. Mostly bad or negative but ponder nonetheless. I think of all the demons I have from my past that follow me around and I think that someday I will have to face them and that scares me. As I drive I think of how I will write this entry and what is relevant for me to note and as always I almost immediately start to forget what I want to say. It occurs to me that I have not spoken to my father in months, as for all intensive purposes the asshole has pretty much abandoned me and my sis. No calls on birthdays, normal bullshit around Christmas I don't give a shit. Or do I? I wonder why I am all of a sudden thinking of the one that abandoned me and my sis and moved to Massachusetts with his "new" wife and seems to forget all father and family responsibilities. The fucked up part of all this is that the whole family turns a blind eye to the whole issue and doesnt bother to fucking intervene or they just dont talk to us at all anymore. No more invites to family occasions and me and sis get the awkward vibes when we show up to family occasions like "Why are you here?" After all these years my father turns into a duschbag and the whole family pretends that nothing is wrong and when they do take interest in the subject they think me and my sis should fix it. For example last year at Christmas my aunt, my fathers sister has the balls to say to my sister that it is her responsibility to fix this situation, ya know because its Christmas and all. Ya fuck you, he's supposed to be the "adult" why doesn't he fucking grow up and take responsibility for once instead of drinking another beer by himself again. That's a different subject all together and could require multiple blog posts so I'll keep it at that. So as I'm driving I wonder why he comes to mind? Could it be that my favorite season is Fall and that is his as well? Could it be fall was the time of the year that my parents got divorced? I don't remember. I think I have blocked most of that out of my mental memory to cope with life, I have always thought that I was stronger mentally and I would never have to deal with my emotional hardships but more frequently now I think they are starting to creep up on me and I don't know what will happen when they finally surface. I wonder why it is soo hard for me to be happy being single? Why must I always have a connection? Is it social or is it psychological, I don't know. Why? I must think on this. Meditate or something.